


A Future To Believe In

by Wallman5



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Redemption
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-08
Updated: 2019-10-08
Packaged: 2020-11-27 13:54:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20949434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wallman5/pseuds/Wallman5
Summary: This takes place in an alternate universe where the Crystal Gems are still fighting Homeworld but there is no Corrupting Light. Set hundreds of years before the start of the show.





	1. Chapter 1

"Always keep moving. Any moment you take a break is another chance for the enemy to strike you down" 

The words rang loud in Rose's mind, as she ducked beneath the mighty cleaving blade directed at her head. The gem opposite her snarled at the missed opportunity, and quickly twirled towards her, swinging the halberd once again. The metallic edge gleamed in the sunlight, a small glint that caught the rebel's eye as she raised her shield in defence. The two objects clattered against each other with a horrible screech, but Rose paid it no heed. Her attacker scraped the halberd down attempting another strike but in that moment, Rose made her move. She retracted her shield quicker than the gem could move her weapon, giving her the briefest of openings. Luckily, that was all she needed. Deftly, she pierced her own sword forward, deep into the gem's abdomen. This time, there was no aggressive snarl, only a soft whimper, joined by shocked eyes, before the gem's form exploded. A small, brown stone fell to the battlefield, another adversary fallen before her blade. Rose stood still, observing the minute gemstone. It was a ruddy brown hue, emblematic of an Axinite. After a moment, before reaching down to bubble it away. 

The battle had been one of the most costly. Many of the Crystal Gems had been shattered by Homeworld forces, with a small number being lucky to escape with only their forms destroyed. Many humans had lost their lives as well, staining the beautiful land with patches of crimson. This was always the hardest part. In the heat of battle, your instincts were sharp and precise, you had no time to think of how your comrades fared when your own life was in constant peril. But afterwards, when the madness of war had ceased, and you stood around, with your friends, allies, family, trying to come to terms with the ones you lost, the toll of endless combat taking its toll on your mind...that was always the hardest. And despite it all, Rose knew she deserved it. Well, who was she kidding. There was no "Rose". She was an imaginary character, a persona for her to inhabit to help her live with the millennia of guilt she felt every waking moment. Of course, all her followers saw her as the great rebellious leader, Rose Quartz, the one who fought for all life, Gem or otherwise, against the tyranny of the Dimond Authority. Only her Pearl, her sweet precious Pearl, knew the truth, knew who and what she really was. But her Pearl, unique though she was , would never question her, or her past. She was too ingrained in Homeworld customs for that. There still existed that unspoken obedience, between Diamond and subject . Sometimes she wondered if Pearl would ever be able to break free from that subservience. Rose Quartz may have been admired. But as Pink Diamond, she stood alone among the wounded soldiers, a liar and a fraud. If the rest ever knew her secret, they'd probably shatter her themselves. To discover that your leader was the same person as the evil dictator who had attempted to conquer this planet, a part of the governing council that had, for countless generations, subjugated Gems to their own corrupt will, all for the sake of their glorious empire...it didn't bear thinking about. She looked around the battlefield, seeing the shards and broken bones of the dead. Her tears wouldn't heal every scar. She did what she could but as the humans often said, "the reaper collects all, eventually". It was too much. She needed to be alone, she couldn't let the others see her like this. As Rose Quartz she had an image to maintain, of an infallible and unwavering leader. If she showed how much pain she was going through, how could she expect everyone else to remain strong? Calmly, she left her forces to lick their wounds and mourn their friends, as she made her way to the across the grassy plain. 

"Rose, where are you going?", a soft, inquisitive voice called out. Rose sighed, unable to look her Pearl in the eyes. She was her sole confidant, the only person who knew of her great burden, but even she could not help her with the demons that plagued her mind. She made no move to turn, instead trudging onward. 

"I need some time to myself, Pearl. This battle was a costly one, so please attend to the others until I return". Her response was quick and to the point, sending a jolt of emotion through the Pearl, but Rose never saw it, still walking off towards the horizon. Pearl stared at her retreating frame for a moment, before turning back to the camp. She alone knew how much her Diamond struggled, and she would do anything to alleviate that pain, anything to bring a smile back to her face. 

Rose walked for miles, until she felt she had put enough distance between herself and the rest. She knew where she was headed, but she had one last thing to do before she arrived. She took a few moments to scan her surroundings, making sure none of her allies were within sight. There was no one, nothing but the gentle breeze, rustling the grass and sending leaves from a nearby tree gently fluttering like little green figures, dancing across the plain. Rose closed her eyes as her gem began to glow, the light eventually engulfing her entire body. Her gem re-orientated itself, forming that oh, so familiar diamond once again. Her body grew taller, her hair more fluffy, and a new person emerged. Once again, Pink Diamond stood where Rose Quartz had been. It had been some time since last she had taken her first form, but she needed to be herself again. Living a double life brought its own insecurities and difficulties. Pink looked around, spotting the small human settlement. She was maybe a kilometre away from it, enough time for her to settle her mind before she met with them again. This was another one of her many secrets, things she dared not share with the other gems. She had visited this little comminity as Pink Diamond on previous occasions, making peace with the elders of the tribe, training with the warriors, helping the women prepare food and tend to the young. In all her time on this planet, she had never felt more alive than she did when she was with them. At first, the humans had feared her, their own native superstitions taking hold of their minds as soon as they saw the tall, pink lady, dressed in unfamiliar cloth approach them. They had threatened her, but she never retaliated, instead offering only her help. After some time, they reluctantly allowed her in to their small community. She first learned their language, before speaking with the elders of the tribe, who were intrigued by her presence. She kept her story short, leaving out any unnecessary details, details of who she had been and the life she'd had. Evidently word of the war had spread far and wide. Many kingdoms, empires, tribes, and other communities had sent warriors to assist them any way they could, or just to defend their own interests. The elders here were different however. They took no part in the conflict, instead keeping to themselves. They were wise people, and their ways touched Pink's soul in a manner no other gem had been able to. After some time she was finally accepted. Here, life was not eternal, as it was on Homeworld. Here, things changed, people were born and grew, forming intimate social circles and relationships, working collectively but maintaining a sense of individuality until eventually passing on and leaving their knowledge to their progeny. It was truly beautiful and Pink cherished every second she was a part of it. 

She walked between the small huts, smiling at the little children that ran out to hug her. Since her first visit, the children had taken a particular fondness for her, often playing games with her, something Pink loved just as much. It did bring back painful memories sometimes, memories of the small, carefree jester that had filled countless hours of Pink's monotonous existence with joy. And just like everyone else who had known her, she had abandoned her without a second thought. But that was then. She was better now, being with the humans and animals had shown her the hubris she'd carried for centuries. These people were her salvation, her respite, her life outside the war. Others gems focused entirely on battle, endlessly training and strategising, dedicating every fibre of their beings to victory. Some journeyed to far off lands, immersing themselves into the different cultures. They were even rumours of gem-human relationships, though Pink had yet to see this one herself. Of course, many also took comfort in each other. New fusions popped up every so often, a testament to the freedom she granted. 

The children laughed as they reached her, bringing her out of her thoughts. With a smile, Pink bent low, picking a young girl in her arms and held her tight, hugging her as she had seen the mothers often do. Moments like these were her reminder of why she fought for this beautiful, inspiring planet. She loved all the life she had seen, but humans were her favourite. The child giggled in arms, eliciting a small laugh from Pink herself. "And how are you, my little treasure?", Pink asked, her voice filled with glee. The child, too young to properly speak, responded with a delighted squeal and hugged her tighter. She placed the child back down among her friends, and after pulling a small soft ball from her gem, let the children have their fun. She watched them run around, leaving small footprints in the soft soil, and then entered another enclosure, where the women were preparing meals for the men. They were out on a hunt, as was usual around dusk. It was another aspect that fascinated Pink, the integral bonds that connected all these creatures. It was like a chain, providing sustenance for every animal by consuming the ones below them. There was no malice in their actions, it was simply the nature of this planet although, since she had no need for any food, she chose not to join the men, instead only training with them when they returned to camp. On Homeworld, she was a dignitary, never expected to combat opponents but to command armies. On Earth, the native warriors had accepted her, teaching her their martial arts and war strategies. It was this training that enabled her to lead on the battlefield, a dangerous blend of tactical precision and deadly combat skills. 

The women greeted her with smiles, handing her some fruit to prepare. Pink smiled at them, conversing about the recent going-ons of their lives, while beginning to pick the berries. Some of the gems fought for the same reason she did, having grown to love the planet. Others followed simply for her message of independence, of a life separate from the constrains of Homeworld. She continued to split the berries, dropping them into a round, woven container...a "basket", like the other women. Suddenly, the little girl she had embraced, Atepa, ran in to the hut, clutching something behind her back. She slowly walked up to Pink, a nervous smile crossing her lips. Pink crouched down to greet the child, returning the smile. Atepa motioned for her to close her eyes, and Pink promptly obeyed. She felt something being placed on her head, lightly ruffling her hair as the little girl tapped her arm. Pink reached up to grasp the gift, feeling the soft petals of flowers. It was a makeshift crown, the flowers delicately woven together at their stalks.The child beamed at her, as Pink took the fragile little thing between her fingers and fixed it back onto her hair. The women smiled at the affectionate display but Pink could only meet it with a well of tears in her eyes. A storm of emotions began to brew in the Diamond's mind. Atepa reminded her so much of Spinel, of their time spent together in the Garden, laughing and playing for hours on end, the very same crown of flowers she used to make for Pink, with a giddy smile on her face. Atepa looked confused, wondering what she'd done to upset the pink lady. Pink stood up, desperate not to upset her little friend, and with a quick apology, rushed outside. 

The minute the outside air hit her, the rush of tears began. She kept moving, not wanting the humans to think they had done something wrong. Flashes of every wrong thing she'd ever done scraped across her mind, raking her conscience into bits. Her time alone, locked in the palace tower, losing Nebulae, her first Pearl to White, abandoning Spinel in the Garden, lying to her friends about who she really was. And she couldn't fix any of it. No matter what she did, she could never escape her sins. The warp to the Garden was damaged irreparably, so she could never hold her little playmate in her arms and tell her how sorry she was to leave her alone. She could never save Nebulae, from White's control. She couldn't let anyone know who she was. No, this was her punishment. She was condemned to live this life of lies, doing whatever she could to set things right, but always falling short. A vicious circle of loathing was all she deserved. Every battle, friends were lost, lives were sacrificed and all the while, the Diamonds considered it all to be some silly game, waiting for her to "come to her senses" and join them once again in their maniacal tyranny. No matter what she did, as Pink Diamond or Rose Quartz, both gems and humans paid the price for her actions. 

Suddenly, she felt a comforting hand grip her trembling one. She looked through teary eyes at the old man before her. It was Tuskaloosa, the oldest in the village. A great warrior in his prime, he had told her of his long and storied life when she had first entered their village, and in turn, he was the first human she had confided her past to. 

"I think we should talk, my dear friend", he said with a sympathetic smile. They walked along the rough path laid out in front of them, his frail hand providing all the comfort she needed in her anguish. Deep shadows were setting across the savannah, warning of the approaching night. The land was calm, with only a faint wind and the chattering of insects to disturb the silence. So different from the sounds that had tore through this land hours ago, of clashing blades and screams of suffering. 

"What troubles you, star woman?", he began, calmly. 

"It's..it's so overwhelming. All I've ever done is hurt people, no matter how hard I try", she replied, as the tears rolled down her cheeks. A lone drop fell onto the soil below, sprouting a lone flower beneath her. 

The elder looked at the small flower that had formed and gently lifted it up for Pink to see. It was so delicate, but in it held the same vitality that all the organic life on this planet had. It was small, but strong in its own way. 

"I cannot profess to understand your abilities or your ways, star woman", he spoke, with a gentle look in his worn eyes. "I have seen much in my lifetime, have fought many battles and slain many foes. The horror of war is familiar to you, yes? But, my friend, you must persevere". He looked at her wistfully and continued . "In your long past, you have done things that cause you shame, but you have also protected life and the great Mother herself", tapping his bony fingers on the ground. "You may not have always been the woman you are now, but I believe your past should not define you. It is the rest of your journey, the protector you chose to be, that is most cherished of all". 

Gazing at the sprouted flower in his frail grasp, Tuskaloosa turned away from her to gaze out at the horizon. "You breathe life with a single tear. While many have fallen against your foes, you must not lose faith. You miss your friends across the stars, but never forget you have family here". Turning, he pointed at the village in the distance. "This is your legacy, my friend. These children have a future, because you won it for them". He sighed and continued, "I know your enemy is stronger than any man. They wield weapons unknown to us, they take forms strange to us. But due to you, we have survived. You have brought us hope, and that is the most sacred gift of all". 

"My friend, we have both done regrettable things in our lives. But the measure of a person isn't the mistakes they make, but the actions they take to rectify them", he finished, handing her the flower. Pink stared at it for a moment, before she took it from his hand. Like Atepa's gift, it held so much sanctity, thr connection to this planet she had sworn to protect. She smiled tearfully at her friend, and embraced him warmly. Between her arms, he felt both fragile and sturdy. He returned the hug, tears of his own beginning to glaze his wrinkled face. 

The sun was setting in the sky, and she could see the men returning on the horizon. A small fire was burning in the open plain between the huts, as the children chased each other endlessly, sending their laughs echoing into the sky. This, this was her future. On her life, she would not let any harm befall this planet. With a smile, she followed her friend back to the village, just as the hunters returned. That night was one of her favourites, dancing, singing, connecting with the people who saw her as a friend, and as the last of tribe went to their slumber, she began to walk back towards her camp. Suddenly, a thought occurred to her and she carefully entered one of the larger huts. The mother and father greeted her with a tired smile, which she reciprocated. Lying on a small bed of reeds was Atepa. She looked so peaceful, sleeping soundly, like one of the "angels" from the myths of humanity. Pink, daring not wake her, quietly walked over beside the sleeping child, bent over and gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead, and taking the crown from her hair, fixed it beside the girl's bed. She gave her goodbyes to the parents, and set off into the night. 

Pink continued to look out over the landscape beneath the starry sky. Deep shades of blue shimmered in a nearby lake, reflecting the little sparkling dots that glittered overhead. The grass was soft beneath her feet, and the cool night air tickled her face. She stood silent, looking up at the sky, trying to discern Homeworld's galaxy. A flurry of thoughts rushed across her mind. The war kept going, and there was no end in sight. Once again, a familiar thought entered her mind. What if she could just remove the Diamonds from the empire? After all, it was by their design that gemkind had become as tyrannical as it had. If they were gone, the Earth, her friends, her forces, her people would be safe. Fuelled by the hope her friend had inspired in her, she made a resolution into the night sky. Yes, they had been her family once, but they never really cared for her. If they had, they wouldn't have made her existence so horrendous, unable to carve her own authority, or protect the life she cherished. Her teeth gritted and her fists clenched at the memories. In the end, there was only ever one way this war was going to end, she had just been too blind to see it. 

In that moment, Pink Diamond knew what she had to do. The elder was right, she had been irreparably changed by war. If she wanted to end it, there would only be one way. For a moment, she hesitated. Could she really think of doing this, of shattering her fellow Diamonds? She glanced around, until the small orange glow in the distance caught her eye. If the Diamonds had their way, every person in that village would be slaughtered. Their hopes for a future rested on her to protect her from the evils of Homeworld. Yes, she would do it. For her people, for her planet, for her family. And when it is done, she would save Nebulae, reunite with Spinel and dismantle the empire. She had lived a life of isolation and fear long enough. No more would she wear a face to hide her shame. Rose Quartz had been the spark of the rebellion, but Pink Diamond was going to finish it.


	2. Sortitus amicum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pink Diamond may not be evil, but that doesn't mean she's good.

While Pink Diamond prepared herself for the inevitable conclusion of her long campaign of war, a lone jester stood silently beneath the stars. For countless eons, she had watched patiently for the arrival of her friend, the one being in the cold void of a universe that she cared for unquestioningly. Together they had crafted such wonderful memories together, dancing in tandem to their own shared music, making beautiful gifts for one another....

But then, everything had changed. That fateful day, a new game had been introduced. There was no proper name for this "game", so the jester simply called it 𝘵𝘩𝘦 "Game". To win the "Game", she had to stand as still as possible, not even moving an inch until her friend returned. And 4,800 years later ( a rough estimation, she had lost count a millennia ago), there she stood, still rooted to that exact spot where the game had begun. Of course, just because she didn't move, didn't mean her surroundings followed suit. The Garden had deteriorated into a shadow of its former glory, decaying and lifeless. The finely crafted columns of celestial stone had crumbled to pieces, the colourful wildlife rotted to a monotonous brown, and everything became horrible. Still, the jester stood, determined not to disappoint her friend once she eventually returned. Because she would, she had to, she was her best friend in the whole empire. Spinel looked forward, ignoring the stiffness of her joints, the creeping vines that wrapped around her legs like the maw of some terrible creature, because she knew if she did anything, she would disappoint Pink. This was her game, after all, and she would hate it if Spinel broke the rules. She looked up, moving the only part of her form that didn't count towards the game, and the same starry sky greeted her mockingly. Though her form was still, her mind was ablaze with movement and life. A desperate battle raged in her consciousness, tearing her between hope and despair. 

She had started to doubt 2,000 years ago. In all the time before, she had never for one moment believed that Pink would not return to her. After all, Spinel's entire purpose was to bring joy to her Diamond's life. She couldn't do that if they weren't together! So she waited with feverish hope like the good little gem that she was. And then, one day in the sea of unchanging centuries, a new thought came to her mind: 

"𝘚𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬". 

Spinel quickly dashed the idea, confining it to the deepest recesses of her mind. Of course Pink was coming back, how silly it was to think that she wasn't. But the thought hooked itself in her, sprouting deep roots that penetrated every corner of her brain. Now, every positive platitude was met with that same statement, over and over and over for hours on end. Her mind raced, trying to come up with alternative reasons for Pink's long absence..or...or stories of what befell her best friend that prevented her from coming back to the Garden. Her warp was damaged, her ship crashed, she had lots of important work, she was sick, aliens attacked, her new planet was having problems, anything but the thought that she had abandoned her. Because if that were true, what was the purpose of her life? If her Diamond had left her on this floating rock to rot for millennia, then she had failed her friend. Otherwise, what other reason would she have for not being here to play with her? This was the only thing the brought her comfort while she pensively waited. As long as there remained the possibility of Pink Diamond returning, then that meant that Spinel hadn't been a bad friend, that her best friend still loved her and it was only meaningless business that had separated them, and nothing of Pink's own volition. 

The galaxy remained silent, and no one wanted an old plaything any more.

**Author's Note:**

> So that's it.  
Criticism is appreciated as always.  
Stay well, you fine folk


End file.
